


Welcome to Mindcrack

by kappa77



Category: MindCrack
Genre: Alternate Universe, Alternate Universe - Welcome to Night Vale Setting, Fluff, Humor, Inspired by Welcome to Night Vale, M/M, Radio
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2013-11-30
Updated: 2013-11-30
Packaged: 2018-01-03 01:23:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,086
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1064012
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kappa77/pseuds/kappa77
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A Mindcrack/Welcome to Night Vale AU where Kurt is Cecil and Zisteau is Carlos.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Welcome to Mindcrack

**Author's Note:**

> The whole thing is said by Kurt, but if it's something else, he text will be surrounded by -these things-

Hello Ladies and Gentlemen, I’m your radio announcer, Kurt, and welcome to Mindcrack!

An enormous amount of squids have spawned near Pakratt’s place, making it almost impossible to move within 500 blocks of it. VintageBeef has been seen running toward Pak’s place yelling, “SPUUUUUUUUD!” at the top of his lungs. No one knows why he is so set on getting there, or why he is so obsessed with squids.

 

Something new has appeared, right in the middle of town, outside of town hall. It is a very tall… portal of sorts, made of obsidian with a purple, vortex, swirly like… stuff in the middle. Among the people who are going out to investigate are the mayor, Guude Boulderfist, Baj (you know, the farmer?), and Intern Vechs, who said he needed a topic for a school paper and this seemed to be the perfect opportunity. They’re asking people who aren’t immediately helping to, quote, “back the hell up oh my god, you people”, unquote.

 

So until we get more updates on that, let's check on the community calendar: There's an architect contest at the Town Hall today for a cool, interesting way to build the Mindcrack logo in the giant window at Town Hall. Send your design ideas to the Town Hall in any way possible! By horse, by foot, and, if you’re crazy enough, by enderpearl! This is a one day only contest, so send them in quick! And n-what? Oh, I’ve been told to tell you all that our very own Intern Bdubs is trying his hand at the contest and he wants you all to vote for his design.

Anyway, I wish him and everyone else who is participating the best of luck.

 

And now, traffic. There is a small strip of road that is out of service due to Anderz’s obsession with making sure his dirt road stays dirt. No grass. He is very focused on this project, so I would advise you listeners not to get in his way, or think it would be funny to replace part of the road with grass. Don’t. He’s… well, he’s not right in the head, so, yeah, don’t mess with his road.

Also, please remember to tie up your horses after you get off them. There are increasing reports of rogue horses roaming about town, crapping on everything.

 

And now, a word from our sponsor: Have you ever wanted to know how you food was cooked? Well, at the Royal Chicken, your meal is prepared right in front of you: from killing the chicken all the way to the seasoning, all of it is done by the best chefs in Mindcrack. So grab your fastest horse and gallop on down to the Royal Chicken. Located on the corner of 5th and Main, across the Town Hall.

 

Next week is the big basketball game between the Mindcrack Uppercats and the Hermits from the city just outside ours. I know nothing about sports so Pyro will be reporting on that, but I do know enough to know that we have a good chance at winning because of our star player, Doc M. Yes, you may remember him from last year, when he was just an average basketball player, but a thunder storm changed that. He was walking home in the middle of a storm and he ran into a creeper along the way and both he and the creeper were struck by lightning and the two were somehow melded together. At first, they were scared that he wouldn’t survive, but he has only gotten better as a basketball player, even though he inexplicably picked up a German accent when his parents are not, in fact, German in any way, shape or form.

 

An update on the building contest, Intern Bdubs won! However, I would stay away from him for a little while. Someone, we're not sure who, from the Reddit Council made the comment that the logo looked like a potato on a stick and everyone, including myself, saw the similarities immediately. So don't mention potatoes on sticks around him unless you want to get smacked.

(But that's just what Bdubs wanted me to say, don’t believe it for a second. He's too much of a... sweetheart to smack someone.)

 

Listeners, I have just received word that someone has come out of the obsidian portal that has appeared at spawn! Actually, a couple of people have come out of the portal. Vechs says they look human, but not completely. Their skin is darker than ours, pinker, and they’re taller than everyone who came to investigate the portal. They also apparently speak perfect English. The first one to come out of the portal explained that they were from the Nether and they wanted to study our world. Sooooo, I guess we can call them scientists? I mean, according to Vechs, the only thing they were wearing were loincloths, showing off thei-… I’m not reading that on air Vechs.

In fact… like 50% of your report is made up of things I can’t say on the radio.

Okay, while I go away for a moment to talk to Vechs about the finer points of censorship, I bring you…

 

[The weather.](http://youtu.be/Am3An-iuzYY)

 

Wow… oh-okay listeners, I just got back from talking to Vechs and… well, I’ll be honest, I didn’t talk to Vechs. Even if I did lecture him about censorship, he’d still not do it. Instead I, quite literally, ran into Zisteau. He’s the, uh- he’s one of the people that came from the Nether. He personally is more interested in the types of materials we have up here and less interested in the actual science of this place. Apparently, there are only like 6 different types of materials in the Nether and the most predominate is the most useless.And he-

Oh who am I kidding… he’s handsome.

He’s 6 feet tall, has blond hair and his voice is really deep and I… ahem, sorry, I’m being completely unprofessional. I, um, the next time I bring up this band of Nether-dwellers, will be when there’s actual news and it’s not just me rambling. An-

-Just get ‘im in for an interview!-

What did you say, Bdubz?

-Get ‘im in. For. An. Interview!-

Oh, okay, yeah, tha-that is a fantastic idea! Okay, I-I’ll look into that. And with that, I have to sign off.

Stay tuned for Red Stone for Beginners which will not be presented by me because I can’t even set up a dispenser.

Good night Mindcrack, goodnight!


End file.
